POP QUIZ: SELLING CELEBRITY (answers)
Congratulations to those tabloid maniacs, Tom A and Gord G, who scored a renowned 9/10 on our celebrity products quiz. Way to go. Ed McMahon will be sending you something in the mail. (Probably, eventually. Unless he’s passed away already. Anyone heard from Ed lately?)
1) THE OCEAN’S THERAPY CENTRIFUGE. Used to separate oil from water after a tanker spill, this product was developed by a company purchased by the star in the wake of the 1989 Exxon Valdez disaster (a ship which featured prominently in one of this celeb’s films). The company hit it big after the Deepwater Horizon disaster, when BP purchased several devices.
2) MEN’S HOUSE SHOES TWO OH: Luxurious slippers, also available in ladies sizes. These are velvet outers, with printed paisley sock liners and silver embroidered art work. Perfect for kicking back and taking it easy. Really, really, easy. The website also sells the star’s music.
3) BEATS ELECTRONICS: Chiefly known for high-end, supposedly superior sounding headphones which to me resemble the massive plastic ear-smotherers of the ’70s, the rap star and producer behind these ubiquitous fashion must-haves sold out to Apple for $3 Billion in 2014, but he still got love for the streets.
4) DIAMOND ESTATES WINE: A label on it’s own, Niagara vintner Diamond Estates teamed up with a Canadian celeb and comedian to offer a range of “regionally inspired and modestly priced” plonk, including a red that “pair well with traditional BBQ fare”, whites that are “a wonderful choice with a crisp summer salad” and sadly, no blues.
5) BLACK PEARLS PERFUME: Also “White Diamonds”, “Diamonds and Rubies” and “Sparkling Diamonds”. Do you sense a theme? One of the first big celebs to launch a fragrance, this Silver Screen beauty launched her first scent, “Passion” in 1987.
6) HALO PET FOOD: The Halo pet food company had been around for twenty years before being purchased by this day-time TV star. Now specializing in vegan, all-organic, allergen-free food for the sensitive house beast, the company benefits from the stars occasional live plugs on her show.
7) MANSINTHE: What does the discerning, death-obsessed, goth-rock icon of today offer his friends when they visit? Why, an exclusive brand of Absinthe, of course. A few hits of this and you’ll believe that you are one of the beautiful people, the beautiful people.
8) HAPPY BABY ORGANIC BABY FOOD: This brat pack actress purchased a major stake in a line of I’m-a-better-parent-than-you baby food products in 2011, more than a decade after her own children were young enough to benefit. Perhaps she was feeding them to her husband at the time.
9) CABO WABO TEQUILA: First it was a bar, then it was a bunch of bars, and eventually Cabo Wabo became a very successful line of Tequila, sold worldwide. So successful in fact, that the singer who founded the whole enterprise sold the booze (but not the bars) in 2007 for $80 Million. After drinking it, you should definitely not drive fifty-five.
10) ELIZABETH & JAMES CLOTHING: A spin-off of wildly successful fashion-label The Row, Elizabeth & James is a line of ‘contemporary’ clothing named after the siblings of The Rows founders and stars, a pair of twins known for TV work and direct-to-video films aimed at young girls. With twins plus two other kids, their home growing up must have been a … oh never mind.
1) KEVIN COSTNER
2) SNOOP DOGG
3) DOCTOR DRE
4) DAN AYKROYD
5) ELIZABETH TAYLOR
6) ELLEN DEGENERES
7) MARILYN MANSON
8) DEMI MOORE
9) SAMMY HAGAR
10) MARY-KATE and ASHLEY OLSEN
Full disclosure: I have never used a George Forman Grill. Nor, to my knowledge, eaten food prepared on one. I don’t get it really. Frying pans never seemed that difficult to me.